Juicy Planet has been receiving slippery but persistent messages from UHF channel 52 on our black & white Panasonic TV, of various clips of Charlton Heston near naked on the beach from the film, The Planet of the Apes. But as it turns out, this scene cannot be found in the actual Hollywood movie! It … More The Moses frequency
Juicy Planet has been put on ORANGE ALERT due to the curious socio-medical condition whose origin has been traced to the DNA of females born and raised into the American upper middle, lower upper, and middle flyweight classes. The disease, popularly known as the Inverted Stepford, seems to take hold in female subjects in early … More Inverted Stepford Wife-ism taking toll on Golden Rule
In the dream, Sandra Bernhard was holding a red metallic mini-disc recorder. She wanted to record herself remembering her dreams. We knew we were already inside one of those dark mortality dreams, with that “I’m gonna be dead someday” feeling. Sandra and I were both scared, our faces and necks getting hot, like fever. Sandra … More Angelina Jolie and Sandra Bernhard holding the world up
Lovely queer lady decides after much lounging and little doubt, to make a serious run for President of the United States of America 2008. Stay tuned for details!
According to Juicy Planet insiders, alleged pop star & willful womanizer, R. Kelly, was seen tucking a BLT sandwich with extra lettuce into the right side pocket of his suit jacket outside the Cook County Criminal Court in Chicago this past week. Kelly was standing between buildings on California Avenue trying to get some lunch … More Our Kelly is who we thought he wasn’t
Juicy Planet went looking for signs of the revolution in Lower Manhattan but instead found a meat grinder and some crisp blue plastic shoes we didn’t know we needed til we saw them. The items, in combination with a head full of Snickers and a bonfire of Zoloft and green tea leaves, are now manifesting … More Bargains of a lifetime
Juicy Planet is enthused to finally understand that money equals access to opportunity! After contributing $25 to the Hillary Clinton campaign, in a euphoric, generous state of mind after some dental work, Juicy Planet has been invited by former President Bill Clinton to maybe attend a special concert by Sir Elton John in New York … More Hillary Clinton wrote me a letter
by field correspondent Mr. Randall TeVelde Choosing a presidential nominee is not like picking a brand of peanut butter, or a pilates class, or a place to eat. Or is it? It’s tempting to say that president-choosing is pretty much its own thing, like the way choosing a college is its own thing. But, really, … More Juicy Planet Guest Blab of the Week: Clinton or Obama, Who’s Better in Bed?
Juicy Planet predicts that when the Democratic U.S. President takes office on January 20, 2009, there will be a chicken in every pot, a pot pie in every hut, insurance cards in every wallet, and queer and underpaid citizens with equal rights and opportunities on every block. Hillary Clinton’s favorite food: olive burger Barack Obama’s … More chicken pot pie for every citizen!
click for NY Times/Gloria Steinem article From the Department of Drifting Predictions and Predilections, comes the report that Hillary Clinton has been pretending to become the underdog in the U.S. Democratic Presidential primaries in an effort to shift the misogynistic dynamic that dominates the media and mainstream American culture. Anticipating not winning the Iowa caucuses … More hillary clinton will be the next U.S. President
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