ode to Patrick Chan

And on the sixth day of the Juicy Planet flu
it was the ever-so-kind and thoughtful spammer
who remembered us in our suffering
persistently encouraging us to feel better soon through various
get-rich-quick-while-helping-others opportunities (see incredible offer below!).
For this we are grateful and offer in return the following Poem:
—————————————
you
bold fake Patricks
with the will to reach out to so many
will never know your true worth
being never known or loved by any
—————————————
“Patrick W Chan” <patrickchan77@live.com>
To: undisclosed-recipients
Good Day,
I have a business of US $24.5million for you to handle with
me from my bank.Please contact me for details. ¬†¬†Patrick Chan.”

Booted!

Curtis guides us through the dark, secret, lucrative village of kidnapped and forsaken cars, in search of the shiny valiant Jetta. (5 mins.)

By Wendy Jo Carlton, Brenda Schumacher and JuicyPlanet.com

City of Chicago reaps $10 million yearly by holding cars hostage

boot_dc.jpg

click for the city’s new cameras that will find you even faster!

If you choose to own a car, and then perhaps even drive it, do not park it. Just pay a companion to ride with you to run your errands, do your shopping, and make your doctor visits. Companion drives around while you pick up peanut butter, or open wide. Companion may also pull over and idle car at a park, church, parking lot, cemetery, until you are ready to be picked back up. This way, your car will never again get ticketed for expired meter, loading zone, sudden snow in a snow lane, etc.

It’s also worth noting that paying $18-27 for a paid parking lot or garage is much much better than fooling yourself that you’ll just be half an hour at your optometrists office, as the meter is only good up to half an hour, and inevitably, the doctor runs late and when you return in 39 minutes, you have a $50 ticket on your sad sad windshield. It then turns into $100 in just 7 days and next ya know, the city wants hundreds of dollars of your hard earned cash because of a few dinky meters time expired while you were dropping loads of $$$$ into the Chicago economy by shopping or being serviced, plus the hundreds more in city sales taxes, which are nearly 9%…

Juicy Planet strongly believes that current city policies are unfair and unethical. Currently, if you have just 3 unpaid parking tickies, the city legally (not morally) will BOOT and then TOW your property. Then, assuming you want the car back, you cannot pay anything online, but must go to the DMV. If you don’t have enough money, you can apply for a hardship payment plan, plus cough up $250 cash, before your property will be released. If you are not a student, unemployed, or receiving social services (and can prove it), you will not get your car back, the city will sell it, and you have no recourse. This is about parking tickets, not drunk driving, not speeding, not manslaughter…We wonder what happens then.