“Patriot Act” brings bad karma to New England, NY Giants upset Pats in Superbowl 2008

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Juicy Planet insiders have revealed that the New England Patriots karma is due to make a visit to Arizona today in the Superbowl. Due to the Patriots naughty cheating in the past, getting the upper hand in football games by videotaping their opponents defensive signals and various other spy tactics, their bad karma took away what many believed would be the honor of being the only 19-0 team in NFL history. Tom Brady is a fantastic athlete and competitor, like most of the players on the field, but coach Bill Belichick has been cheating for years, and karma has finally latched onto his bumper.

In other Superbowl news, sports bets are heavily favoring the Giants, who are +12.5 point underdogs, by over 70%. This means, whether you watch or not, whether you bet or not, or whether you could care less about the Superbowl and all it’s wasteful, superficial American excess, that the average citizen is ready for the rise of the underdog, which, actually happens to be, the average citizen.

Green Bay Packers beat Giants on January 20, coldest day of the year!

brett_snow2.jpg When hands and feet get awfully cold, like frozen fish thawing on the counter at room temperature, they don’t like to be touched. They are afraid of breaking into smaller pieces. Sometimes frostbite gets so bad that the pain switches to a blessed numbness, but that only lasts for a football quarter or so, and even though the numbness helps, the dexterity is clearly compromised, leading to dropped snaps, fumbled hand-offs, and interceptions. We believe there will be a higher percentage of rushing calls in what will be -20 below Zero Lambaugh Stadium on January 20th. January 20 also happens to be JP’s birthday, so Brett promised he’d win it for old times sake, plus an icy fresh halftime kiss on the lips.

Eli Manning and the Giants may have played many times in crappy cold and muddy conditions, but Brett Favre and the Packers live in Wisconsin full time (if you don’t count the 5 months they live in Florida, Hawaii, Acapulco). The Bears whipped the Packers in brutal frigid weather last month. But this time, the Packers are at home and, Juicy Planet is told, Favre is taking extra measures this time to keep his arms and hands in better working order. Someone saw him filling his gloves with Bag Balm at a Mobile gas station and some players will be drinking cayenne pepper and ginger tea before the game.

We like the Giants, the East Coast’s answer to the blue collar sensibility of the Packers, but Strahan and gang will be going home for the season by 9pm Central Standard time.