Inverted Stepford Wife-ism taking toll on Golden Rule

Cindy telepathically noisy

  Juicy Planet has been put on ORANGE ALERT due to the curious socio-medical condition whose origin has been traced to the DNA of females born and raised into the American upper middle, lower upper, and middle flyweight classes. The disease, popularly known as the Inverted Stepford, seems to take hold in female subjects in early adulthood, when being privileged and rich sours a tad due to the double pressures of having to be successful at some high level of some kind of field while simultaneously expected to act as a subservient to all the males in her environment, at least in public, regardless of how much more intelligent, talented, or confident the female may be when compared to the male she is seen stiffly standing next to.

Cindy McCain rolls with changes

The original Stepford Wife virus was actually developed and perfected by garden variety sexist males who sought to maintain complete control over their wives, to the point of altering their wives ability to remember how lovely flip flops felt beneath their wet feet, let alone what personality they may have had before being infected.

Inverted Stepford differs from the original strain in that these females seem to enjoy living with the virus; looking, standing and speaking as if they believe the rhetoric of their unattractive right wing spouses, understanding the exquisite pleasure of deferred power, when the cameras are turned off and they can abuse the maid, the dog, the flight attendant, behind closed doors. Many of these subjects seem to share a penchant for prescription drugs, so it is advised to clean out your medicine cabinet before invited one over for tea. The risk of contagious infection is low, although these females do tend to cause an awful lot of damage at the political and cultural levels of society, likely as they are to sit on various and sundry corporate and hospital boards and to be married to politicians, ministers, and Republicans. See entries for: Cindy McCain, Victoria Osteen, et al.

Vicky Osteen smelling fre$h bread

Vicky Osteen semi-pro glarer






CLICK for evidence of Inverted-Stepford-Illness


Our Kelly is who we thought he wasn’t

According to Juicy Planet insiders, alleged pop star & willful womanizer, R. Kelly, was seen tucking a BLT sandwich with extra lettuce into the right side pocket of his suit jacket outside the Cook County Criminal Court in Chicago this past week. Kelly was standing between buildings on California Avenue trying to get some lunch privacy away from the throngs of media and various and asundry fans, former fans, former lovers, future litigants, plus a smattering of Cook County government workers who had no idea what the fuss was all about as they snuck cigarettes on another “coffee run”.

Clearly unnerved by low blood sugar, Kelly threw his pickle spear down in frustration, showing more emotion than he had at any time inside the courtroom, where jurors with more productive but not more interesting things to do had been asked to decide whether the naked man urinating on the under-aged girl in the video they had to watch over and over again was the same clothed man sitting at the table in front of them acting as if he had never before seen the man in the video and indeed, since Kelly is known to be severely allergic to mirrors, it is understandable that he would not be able to ever recognize himself. But that can’t explain the fact that whoever the man is, who looks just like Kelly does, is the kind of dumb guy who not only thinks it’s alright to abuse and scam people decades younger and much poorer than he is, but thinks it’s especially genius to tape himself doing illegal stuff. We sure hope they catch that guy.

Obama, Clinton, and the American perversion of the testes

As the 2008 U.S. Democratic Presidential primaries continue to roll themselves out like artificial turf over the natural sod of the American psychic landscape, Juicy Planet is perplexed by recent and frequent references to the gonads of male human beings, as they may or not relate to Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama’s perceived personas and how that persona influences their ability to win the nomination.

So Juicy Planet took an informal testicle straw poll of 917 Midwestern respondents of all genders and the results indicate that even though there is absolutely no rational or scientific basis for it, there is a perverse cultural belief that the ownership of testicles and further, the size of those testicles, has something or other to do with a person’s perceived mental strength, social courage, and/or political attractiveness.

Some voters in Indiana’s primary race last week were overheard stating, “I’d rather have a woman with balls than a man without balls…Obama is a nice man, but he is a wimp”. (Balls are another word commonly used in place of the word testicles). But what exactly is behind this testicle business? What do these gonads have to do with getting anything done that is any different than the tough workaday complexity and clarity of purpose put forth by the ovaries? The testicles, in fact, are one of the most vulnerable, sensitive, passive, chilling-out parts on the male body. So, how is it that Obama is being characterized as having less of these balls, and Clinton as having more of these balls?

Sexism takes many shapes, sometimes in the shape of a television frame, sometime in the shape of a ball. Hillary Clinton does not need a pair of testicles to be a tough, resilient, effective leader any more than Barack Obama needs to show the ones he has to prove he has the qualities, the brilliance and the fortitude to be the President of the United States, and to help bring us closer to the moral, educational, and economic redemption we’re so clearly pining for.

How to be a bully



Juicy Planet was on the F train from Brooklyn to downtown Manhattan earlier this week and sat across from a teen girl wearing high rubber boots. The girl was tired and eventually put her feet up on the bench, leaned back and closed her eyes. A group of school boys boarded shortly after. The boys wore the same matching school outfit the girl wore. The boys stood near us talking loudly about the new Mets pitcher Johan Santana.photo0318.jpg



As Juicy Planet walked away, we heard the bully and his ignorant pals saying, “That’s cuz she’s gay, she’s gay, like your Dad is gay…” Juicy Planet watched the train leave the station, hoping the smile on our face would pierce the metal and land on the heart of the sexist homophobes who have long and lonely high school years ahead of them.

Suspicious of Clinton bashers: either Dem will be super fine!

hillaryyounger.jpg Juicy Planet believes that regardless of your preference for the next U.S. President, the rampant sexism and irrational Clinton-bashing witnessed in all forms of media is an opportunity to acknowledge the misogyny and sexism that is pervasive and destructive in this great, but tragically flawed country. Whether you vote for Clinton or not, how we address this ongoing issue will indeed determine how politically, economically, and culturally great we shall be.

Thanks to author Robin Morgan for the following reprint:

Goodbye To All That, Part II
by Robin Morgan

“Goodbye To All That” was my (in)famous 1970 essay breaking free from a politics of accommodation especially affecting women (online version is here.) During my decades in civil-rights, anti-war, and contemporary women’s movements, I’ve avoided writing another specific “Goodbye . . .”. But not since the suffrage struggle have two communities — the joint conscience-keepers of this country– been so set in competition, as the contest between Hillary Rodham Clinton (HRC) and Barack Obama (BO) unfurls. So.

Goodbye to the double standard . . .

  • Hillary is too ballsy but too womanly, a Snow Maiden who’s emotional, and so much a politician as to be unfit for politics.
  • She’s “ambitious” but he shows “fire in the belly.” (Ever had labor pains? )
  • When a sexist idiot screamed “Iron my shirt!” at HRC, it was considered amusing; if a racist idiot shouted “Shine my shoes!” at BO, it would’ve inspired hours of airtime and pages of newsprint analyzing our national dishonor.
  • Young political Kennedys –Kathleen, Kerry, and Bobby Jr. — all endorsed Hillary. Sen. Ted, age 76, endorsed Obama. If the situation were reversed, pundits would snort “See? Ted and establishment types back her, but the forward-looking generation backs him.” (Personally, I’m unimpressed with Caroline’s longing for the Return of the Fathers. Unlike the rest of the world, Americans have short memories. Me, I still recall Marilyn Monroe’s suicide, and a dead girl named Mary Jo Kopechne in Chappaquiddick.)

Goodbye to the toxic viciousness . . .

  • Carl Bernstein’s disgust at Hillary’s “thick ankles.”
  • Nixon-trickster Roger Stone’s new Hillary-hating 527 group, “Citizens United Not Timid” (check the capital letters).
  • John McCain answering “How do we beat the bitch?” with “Excellent question!” Would he have dared reply similarly to “How do we beat the black bastard?” For shame.

CLICK here for full Robin Morgan essay

Super Tuesday Super Vote Super Fat: Hungry can be fun!


Juicy Planet will not turn the TV on today until after most of the Presidential primary voting is finished. The 24 hour, forever-on, cable news media will be frothing over every possible story and proceed to say the same thing a hundred different ways between commercials.

This is one of the most promising days in years for American citizens and the future of all lovely humans. The people are casting votes on an empty stomach today, perhaps unable to be clear-minded after 7 years of demoralizing bad behavior by the Bushies. Some of the citizens voting today are still Bushies, and no matter what obvious economic (or ethical) evidence there is to the contrary that supports the dire need for a more equal, democratic, transparent, and socially responsible federal government, some citizens will always remain steadfastly hypocritical, homophobic, hateful, and self-absorbed. We accept this possibility.

Today is a juicy day for American politics, as the Republicans do not matter one iota. What matters is a qualified and intelligent woman and a qualified and intelligent black man are competing for the honor to lead and lift the country. Voters are so hungry that they may be choosing on the basis of colorful labels and packaging. So be it. Super Tuesday is fun fun fun. What better hope for America, than a Clinton/Obama combined ticket? If they can prioritize service and progress over ambition and ego, this will be truly something juicy. Working toward a Resurrection…what could be more faithful than that?

Interested in details of the differences in health care plans offered by Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama? CLICK HERE

A free Juicy Planet Cheat Sheet for February 5!

Super Tuesday: Day in early February of a presidential election year when votes are cast for desired candidates in U.S. More delegates can be won on Super Tuesday than on any other single day of the year, so candidates must do well secure their party’s nomination.

Fat Tuesday: same as Mardi Gras, Mardi Gras is French for “Fat Tuesday”. Also known as “Pancake Day”. The day folks, Catholics especially, celebrate the last day before Lent’s fasting begins. New Orleans most famous location in U.S. for this, although it’s celebrated worldwide.

Ash Wednesday: First day of Lent, always a Wednesday, because Easter is always a Sunday. Christian/Catholic practice includes attending church service and receiving a blessing of ashes from a priest or minister, in the sign of a cross on the forehead. This symbolizes repentance for one’s sins and a reminder of our mortality in the body. Easter, Jesus’ resurrection from the dead, symbolizes spiritual after-life and redemption.

Lent: 40 days before Easter, spent fasting or “giving up something” , as Jesus spent 40 days fasting and praying in the desert before he was crucified and then rose from the dead, 40 hours later. Juicy Planet is giving up despair for Lent.

“Patriot Act” brings bad karma to New England, NY Giants upset Pats in Superbowl 2008


click here for Patriots spying scandal! pilevideotaping.jpg

Juicy Planet insiders have revealed that the New England Patriots karma is due to make a visit to Arizona today in the Superbowl. Due to the Patriots naughty cheating in the past, getting the upper hand in football games by videotaping their opponents defensive signals and various other spy tactics, their bad karma took away what many believed would be the honor of being the only 19-0 team in NFL history. Tom Brady is a fantastic athlete and competitor, like most of the players on the field, but coach Bill Belichick has been cheating for years, and karma has finally latched onto his bumper.

In other Superbowl news, sports bets are heavily favoring the Giants, who are +12.5 point underdogs, by over 70%. This means, whether you watch or not, whether you bet or not, or whether you could care less about the Superbowl and all it’s wasteful, superficial American excess, that the average citizen is ready for the rise of the underdog, which, actually happens to be, the average citizen.