Jamie and Jessie chill on the steps (in between dates)

see website for more info: jamieandjessie.com

What do you think? ARE they together?

The woman about to appear for her date with Jessie sure wonders what the deal is!

WATCH the movie trailer here: LESBIAN COMEDY TRAILER

The ping pong ball

California afternoon_photo by Wendy Jo carlton It was the dream the old man had before. The one with the river and the floating that felt so damn good. Beneath his body was a rubber inner tube and his arms and legs hung lazily over the sides of it. On the side of the tube was a cartoon of a smiling big-headed rat twirling a lasso. “The rat must be my guardian angel”, the old man thought. “Could be worse”. Then below his wet backside, in the clear cool water, he spotted, only for a second, amongst the river rocks and fallen branches, a white rosary swaying with the current.

The old man grew up Catholic, and even though he hadn’t stepped inside any kind of church for 50 years, the rosary still snagged him as something precious. It needed a pair of hands. He tried to stand up but his feet couldn’t touch the bottom, and the river was moving too fast for him to swim against backwards. He held his breath deep and stuck his head under the water to get one last blink at it, glowing and yessing at him like a blessed hula. But then the river curved around a bloated bluff of Willow trees, and beyond them was a parking lot full of cars.

The old man climbed up the river bank behind the VFW Hall and tied his raft to the bumper of a white limo. He saw his reflection in the windows, soaking wet and older than he felt, but still with a full head of dark hair to brush back. By the time he crossed the hot parking lot, the steam coming off of him made him look freshly pressed. He felt that the ping pong ball was somewhere inside the building. He could smell hot dogs and buttered popcorn and knew what was going on in there. Bingo. Even though he only loved the Mother Mary part of Catholic, the forgiving, blue-green part of it, he remembered what the nuns had taught him, about the mystery of numbers.

The old man entered the hall. Even with the ceiling clumped full of air conditioners blasting full force, the thickness of the cigarette smoke nearly gagged him. He coughed until his eyes teared up, so when the jittery skittery ping pong ball rolled right in front of him, it looked like he was crying with joy. The players did not look up from their cards because this was the the final game, the jackpot. But the caller did glance over, just in time to see him place the ball in his mouth and sprint out. The old man worked in the Senior Center for going on 6 years. He hadn’t lost a ping pong ball yet. He was happy there was something he was good at. And each time that beautiful, half-blind Sandra Kolenda flicked one out the window, it was another chance to show off his fantastic way with recovery.

Tom Waits for no man

Image163

While cleaning out our car to try and find the receipt for a wedding gift (clock) we  needed to return so we could pay our dentist bill, Juicy Planet discovered instead a  ticket stub from a 2002 Tom Petty concert (Grand Rapids), a reddish piece of soft glass that did not want to be found, a good half pound of pretzel salt (once swept), and a photograph of Tom Waits, minding his own business on Rush Street in Chicago on some cloudy afternoon when he couldn’t pretend he wasn’t him and we couldn’t pretend we didn’t care that he was the kind of guy who can charm and stun a heart in a hundred kinda ways before breakfast. We went where he just was and ordered a mocha. Juicy Planet is keeping the clock.

The Moses frequency

heston Juicy Planet has been receiving slippery but persistent messages from UHF channel 52 on our black & white Panasonic TV, of various clips of Charlton Heston near naked on the beach from the film, The Planet of the Apes. But as it turns out, this scene cannot be found in the actual Hollywood movie! It seemed at first to be Heston in between takes while filming the movie in 1968, but it has now been confirmed that what we are watching is an actual live feed of Heston, enjoying the pretty beach with his empty machine gun.

The original story of human hubris was written by French author Pierre Boulle, in 1963. The Statue of Liberty, which can be seen toppled and eroding in the background in some future, was a gift to the United States from the people of France. In the hope of minimizing the kind of dang regret depicted, Juicy Planet is actively trying to decipher the meaning of these recurring beachfront broadcasts, before the U.S. government strips the juicy public atmosphere of free analog television transmissions and sells the airwaves to corporate bidders on February 17, 2009.planetapes5

Ever the liberator on Earth, whether as Moses, Ben Hur, or Chairman of the National Rifle Association, Heston appears in the transmissions to be the one in need of saving, not from slavery and human greed but from loneliness. We shall watch and wait with our hands raised to see if perhaps the kiss of Zira or some other lovely sane and peaceful creature will make any difference for our protagonist.

Shoot to Disarm, Never to Harm: Masked Man rides on

Juicy Planet was trolling around the alleys of Edgewater on a balmy summer night when we saw what appeared to be a black mask, rolling like tumbleweed in front of us, the yellow glow from the arches of McDonald’s helping it to be true. Sadly, upon closer inspection, it turned out to be a chunk of fabric, with foam stuff underneath, from the armrest of a Subaru. The image of the black mask remained, and we couldn’t think of anything else but the Lone Ranger, his face, is horse, his cornflower blue outfit, and Tonto too. Turns out, we were standing in the middle of Saint Gertrudes parking lot at this point, where Clayton Moore, who grew up to be the Lone Ranger on television, used to hang out and go ice skating. The nuns used to flood the ground with water in the winter so Clayton and his pals could skate…those nuns would’ve gotten a TV show today!

6254 N. Glenwood 60660

We were told by a neighbor, who asked not to be identified, that Clayton Moore was born and raised at 6254 N. Glenwood. Clayton once met Hollywood’s original Tarzan, Johnny Weissmuller, at a Chicago swimming pool, while Johnny was training for the 1928 Olympics, where he was a gold medal swimmer. Clayton had been an athlete and flying trapeze artist, performing in the 1933 World’s Fair in Chicago, before heading to New York and Hollywood, starring in dozens of B movies before having the pleasure, in 1949, of becoming famous for hiding his identity behind a black mask, helping people out and taking off, with flair. Touched by the knowledge of his early bravery in pursuit of fame as well as his general loveliness, we ordered a hot fudge sundae with extra nuts and ate it on Clayton’s front steps.

CLICK for real life story of Tarzan CLICK for Lone Ranger Facts!

$1 dollar

$1

Video on iPod found in Chicago: Bad time to visit a vampire

The Hunger, directed by Tony Scott, 1983. Provocative. Erotic. David Bowie. Heartbreaking. In this scene, from a video clip found on an iPod lost on a Chicago subway, Susan Sarandon’s Sarah, lover of Catherine Deneuve’s Miriam, is a newly minted immortal vampire suffering from withdrawal as she refuses to kill for her survival. Sarah’s former boyfriend picks the wrong time to try and bring her home. After this moment, he is not seen again.

Angelina Jolie and Sandra Bernhard holding the world up

In the dream, Sandra Bernhard was holding a red metallic mini-disc recorder. She wanted to record herself remembering her dreams. We knew we were already inside one of those dark mortality dreams, with that “I’m gonna be dead someday” feeling. Sandra and I were both scared, our faces and necks getting hot, like fever. Sandra held the recorder near her mouth, then decided that I should go first. I put my hand on top of hers and brought the recorder close to my own mouth. I wanted to kiss the back of her hand but was distracted by the glossy green stones in every ring on every finger of her hand, each stone reflecting the light that was coming from the end of a telescope she had stationed by the window.

“In the year 2525”, I said, leaning in against her arm, “500 citizens got quite good at switching eyeballs with each other. A Minus 425 nearsight for a Plus 1200 farsight, in diopters, got to be no big deal for them, it was the resulting emotional perception exchange that was the real gamble”.

“Yeah”, Sandra imagined, “my 20-20 for Angelina Jolie’s Minus 175, hardly a change in vision really, except for night driving, I could get by squinting when I had to…but Angelina’s emotional rub…I…no, too packed tight like a snowball in spring…”. Then Sandra clicked off the recorder and wrapped her hands around mine, “Tell me your numbers, darling”. Before I could say just how I thought I saw, footsteps sounded up from the stairwell that led down to the stage where someone had just finished a performance, we could hear the applause spilling over. Sandra and I turned together toward the doorway and waited. We were awestruck, when the footsteps stopped, to see Hillary Clinton there, grinning at us, looking smart in a long red gown that exposed much of her beautiful breasts. In her right hand she was loosely holding a pair of binoculars.

CLICK HERE for Sandra Bernhard info