Hillary Clinton wrote me a letter

Juicy Planet is enthused to finally understand that money equals access to opportunity! After contributing $25 to the Hillary Clinton campaign, in a euphoric, generous state of mind after some dental work, Juicy Planet has been invited by former President Bill Clinton to maybe attend a special concert by Sir Elton John in New York City, where we will have the opportunity to meet and get drunk with rich gay folks and Democrats alike! For a mere $25, which Juicy Planet would have lost anyway betting on college basketball finals, we received a personal note from Hillary Clinton herself assuring us that, if we are able to contribute a few more bucks in time for the Pennsylvania Primaries, we might possibly end up breathlessly standing just behind and to the far right of Hillary as she sways along to Elton’s, “Levon, Levon likes his money…he makes a lot they say…”
We told her that once we decide between going without goji juice or Zoloft for a week, we will send another $25 in to the campaign. That’s only if Barack Obama doesn’t make a better offer, like the chance to eat spaghetti and meatballs with Oprah on the ferris wheel at Navy Pier while Obama croons out his much more progressive vision for the future, which may include the vast majority of American citizens who can’t buy their way into such privileged access to power. (see personal note below!)
Help Hillary Win

Dear wenjo,

 In the interest of harmony — and melody — I promise you there won’t be any duets. I’m really looking forward to the solo concert my friend Elton John is throwing in New York to help our campaign –and I would very much like the chance to meet you there.  

We’re sending two supporters, along with their guests, to New York with VIP tickets for this very special, one-night-only concert on April 9, and it could be you. We will have a chance to talk just you and I — and you will get to meet Elton John at the party we’re throwing afterwards. It’s going to be a great night. Thank you so much for all your support. I hope you know how much you mean to me and my campaign. 

Sincerely, Hillary hillary.jpg


Super Tuesday Super Vote Super Fat: Hungry can be fun!


Juicy Planet will not turn the TV on today until after most of the Presidential primary voting is finished. The 24 hour, forever-on, cable news media will be frothing over every possible story and proceed to say the same thing a hundred different ways between commercials.

This is one of the most promising days in years for American citizens and the future of all lovely humans. The people are casting votes on an empty stomach today, perhaps unable to be clear-minded after 7 years of demoralizing bad behavior by the Bushies. Some of the citizens voting today are still Bushies, and no matter what obvious economic (or ethical) evidence there is to the contrary that supports the dire need for a more equal, democratic, transparent, and socially responsible federal government, some citizens will always remain steadfastly hypocritical, homophobic, hateful, and self-absorbed. We accept this possibility.

Today is a juicy day for American politics, as the Republicans do not matter one iota. What matters is a qualified and intelligent woman and a qualified and intelligent black man are competing for the honor to lead and lift the country. Voters are so hungry that they may be choosing on the basis of colorful labels and packaging. So be it. Super Tuesday is fun fun fun. What better hope for America, than a Clinton/Obama combined ticket? If they can prioritize service and progress over ambition and ego, this will be truly something juicy. Working toward a Resurrection…what could be more faithful than that?

Interested in details of the differences in health care plans offered by Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama? CLICK HERE

A free Juicy Planet Cheat Sheet for February 5!

Super Tuesday: Day in early February of a presidential election year when votes are cast for desired candidates in U.S. More delegates can be won on Super Tuesday than on any other single day of the year, so candidates must do well secure their party’s nomination.

Fat Tuesday: same as Mardi Gras, Mardi Gras is French for “Fat Tuesday”. Also known as “Pancake Day”. The day folks, Catholics especially, celebrate the last day before Lent’s fasting begins. New Orleans most famous location in U.S. for this, although it’s celebrated worldwide.

Ash Wednesday: First day of Lent, always a Wednesday, because Easter is always a Sunday. Christian/Catholic practice includes attending church service and receiving a blessing of ashes from a priest or minister, in the sign of a cross on the forehead. This symbolizes repentance for one’s sins and a reminder of our mortality in the body. Easter, Jesus’ resurrection from the dead, symbolizes spiritual after-life and redemption.

Lent: 40 days before Easter, spent fasting or “giving up something” , as Jesus spent 40 days fasting and praying in the desert before he was crucified and then rose from the dead, 40 hours later. Juicy Planet is giving up despair for Lent.

hillary clinton will be the next U.S. President

obama_clinton22.jpgclick for NY Times/Gloria Steinem article

From the Department of Drifting Predictions and Predilections, comes the report that Hillary Clinton has been pretending to become the underdog in the U.S. Democratic Presidential primaries in an effort to shift the misogynistic dynamic that dominates the media and mainstream American culture. Anticipating not winning the Iowa caucuses or the New Hampshire primary, Clinton will masterfully bide her time and let the hyperactive, not-helping-anyone-but-itself mainstream news cycle bore itself into the urge to dismiss and demean Obama and/or Edwards instead.

Drawing upon Washington D.C. insider information, Juicy Planet has learned that although Clinton is in fact a bright, effective, experienced and consistently hard-working politician who gets things done, there are many Republican and two-faced Dem hypocrites who profess a profound and perverse dislike for her. But where was this degree of disdain and distrust for G.W. Bush, the inept, callous, undeserving draft dodger, when he was a candidate? Juicy Planet has just learned that G.W. Bush is, strangely, safe from that kind of scrutiny, since he was identified as male sometime or other back in the 1980’s, before he bought the Texas Rangers via an old boys club taxpayer dollars swindle, but after he ran his oil business into the ground. That was GW’s history. And look at what he has ruined while CEO of our country. He is nothing if not consistent. But where was the mocking media tone for Bush during his run that we now see for Hillary?

Tragically, and without explanation, Clinton was born what the natives here call, a woman, so whatever policies, beliefs and ideas she offers will be treated as suspicious attempts to fit in and perhaps, even be a more effective leader than most of the men who have been given ample opportunity. After New Hampshire, we shall see a spike in Clinton poll numbers and supporters, not only because she would be a great leader in what is sadly now a very dark and counter-productive time in America, but because the press and the television ad revenues will need the ongoing superficialized cult of personality horse race to further flush their coffers.