Maurie, Flaurie Berman! (the hot dogs who wear caveman clothes and want you to eat them) @Superdawg a Piece of Classic Chicago myfoxchicago.com/dpp/good_day/s… They were on the TV in Chicago Monday Morning. FYI, it’s the french fries that should have the last word, they are the real deal.
Juicy Planet has been put on ORANGE ALERT due to the curious socio-medical condition whose origin has been traced to the DNA of females born and raised into the American upper middle, lower upper, and middle flyweight classes. The disease, popularly known as the Inverted Stepford, seems to take hold in female subjects in early adulthood, when being privileged and rich sours a tad due to the double pressures of having to be successful at some high level of some kind of field while simultaneously expected to act as a subservient to all the males in her environment, at least in public, regardless of how much more intelligent, talented, or confident the female may be when compared to the male she is seen stiffly standing next to.
The original Stepford Wife virus was actually developed and perfected by garden variety sexist males who sought to maintain complete control over their wives, to the point of altering their wives ability to remember how lovely flip flops felt beneath their wet feet, let alone what personality they may have had before being infected.
Inverted Stepford differs from the original strain in that these females seem to enjoy living with the virus; looking, standing and speaking as if they believe the rhetoric of their unattractive right wing spouses, understanding the exquisite pleasure of deferred power, when the cameras are turned off and they can abuse the maid, the dog, the flight attendant, behind closed doors. Many of these subjects seem to share a penchant for prescription drugs, so it is advised to clean out your medicine cabinet before invited one over for tea. The risk of contagious infection is low, although these females do tend to cause an awful lot of damage at the political and cultural levels of society, likely as they are to sit on various and sundry corporate and hospital boards and to be married to politicians, ministers, and Republicans. See entries for: Cindy McCain, Victoria Osteen, et al.
Filed under: our traditions, politic, queer | Tagged: 2008 elections, addictions, America, cindy mccain, classism, golden rule, hypocrisy, john mccain, juicy planet, pills, sexism, snobs, stepford wives | 2 Comments »
In the dream, Sandra Bernhard was holding a red metallic mini-disc recorder. She wanted to record herself remembering her dreams. We knew we were already inside one of those dark mortality dreams, with that “I’m gonna be dead someday” feeling. Sandra and I were both scared, our faces and necks getting hot, like fever. Sandra held the recorder near her mouth, then decided that I should go first. I put my hand on top of hers and brought the recorder close to my own mouth. I wanted to kiss the back of her hand but was distracted by the glossy green stones in every ring on every finger of her hand, each stone reflecting the light that was coming from the end of a telescope she had stationed by the window.
“In the year 2525”, I said, leaning in against her arm, “500 citizens got quite good at switching eyeballs with each other. A Minus 425 nearsight for a Plus 1200 farsight, in diopters, got to be no big deal for them, it was the resulting emotional perception exchange that was the real gamble”.
“Yeah”, Sandra imagined, “my 20-20 for Angelina Jolie’s Minus 175, hardly a change in vision really, except for night driving, I could get by squinting when I had to…but Angelina’s emotional rub…I…no, too packed tight like a snowball in spring…”. Then Sandra clicked off the recorder and wrapped her hands around mine, “Tell me your numbers, darling”. Before I could say just how I thought I saw, footsteps sounded up from the stairwell that led down to the stage where someone had just finished a performance, we could hear the applause spilling over. Sandra and I turned together toward the doorway and waited. We were awestruck, when the footsteps stopped, to see Hillary Clinton there, grinning at us, looking smart in a long red gown that exposed much of her beautiful breasts. In her right hand she was loosely holding a pair of binoculars.
Filed under: lesbian, politic, pop cultures, queer | Tagged: America, angelina jolie, apathy, drum circle, drumming, dumdums, full moon, generosity, hillary clinton, juicy planet, lesbian dreams, nearsighted, numbers, queer, sandra bernhard, vision, women | Leave a comment »
Lovely queer lady decides after much lounging and little doubt, to make a serious run for President of the United States of America 2008. Stay tuned for details!
Filed under: nobody you know series, our traditions, politic, queer | Tagged: America, Clinton, economics, economy, gay, lesbian, Obama, politcs, pragmatism, presidential election, queer, revolution, U.S. 2008 elections, Unites States, working class | 2 Comments »
Cintonistas and the GOP have relentlessly brainstormed for ways to frame Barack Obama to the media and the little people who are, per Hillary loyalist Paul Begala, the sole arbiters of his political fate. Bob Dole snarled about Obama that, like the pied-piper, “ calls them, and they come.” Hillary, willfully deaf to all irony, derided all the known political coin of the realm as effectively used by Obama, finding fault with “speeches”, “big rallies”, “caucus-goers”, “money”, anyone presumably not “hard-working”, and finally, in a sort of reverse apotheosis—her absolute career nadir, her personal worst— all but the “white.”
There are two other characters. On the one hand is Obama as the amiable and naïve Prince Mishkin on whom the politically needy pin their aspirations. This is a tactical representation from an earlier stage of the primary campaign, only a few months ago, just before their repressed memories of his eleven (or was it thirteen?) consecutive victories. Prince Mishkin (or, to update, Elwood P. Dowd?) appears to be played out. Nothing is likelier to dissolve the image of the stammering but smooth Elwood P. Dowd than having his wingtips on your neck, repeatedly.
Just lately, assorted dittoheads and Bush dead-enders have been delighted to resurrect empty suit. One upon a time, this was applied to their own George Walker Bush, mostly by opponents but even by manifest allies, namely like the generalissimo of the Swift Boaters, a Texas businessman who had a low opinion of the man he did so much to re-elect. Empty suit, as used by empty suits, is another example of the classic projection rhetoric of the right. Other notable examples, this time standard issue…
Filed under: our traditions, politic | Tagged: barack obama, dead end Republicans, Democratic victory, hillary clinton, john edwards, juicy planet, mark nickels, political essay, U.S. 2008 elections, universal healthcare | 3 Comments »
As the 2008 U.S. Democratic Presidential primaries continue to roll themselves out like artificial turf over the natural sod of the American psychic landscape, Juicy Planet is perplexed by recent and frequent references to the gonads of male human beings, as they may or not relate to Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama’s perceived personas and how that persona influences their ability to win the nomination.
So Juicy Planet took an informal testicle straw poll of 917 Midwestern respondents of all genders and the results indicate that even though there is absolutely no rational or scientific basis for it, there is a perverse cultural belief that the ownership of testicles and further, the size of those testicles, has something or other to do with a person’s perceived mental strength, social courage, and/or political attractiveness.
Some voters in Indiana’s primary race last week were overheard stating, “I’d rather have a woman with balls than a man without balls…Obama is a nice man, but he is a wimp”. (Balls are another word commonly used in place of the word testicles). But what exactly is behind this testicle business? What do these gonads have to do with getting anything done that is any different than the tough workaday complexity and clarity of purpose put forth by the ovaries? The testicles, in fact, are one of the most vulnerable, sensitive, passive, chilling-out parts on the male body. So, how is it that Obama is being characterized as having less of these balls, and Clinton as having more of these balls?
Sexism takes many shapes, sometimes in the shape of a television frame, sometime in the shape of a ball. Hillary Clinton does not need a pair of testicles to be a tough, resilient, effective leader any more than Barack Obama needs to show the ones he has to prove he has the qualities, the brilliance and the fortitude to be the President of the United States, and to help bring us closer to the moral, educational, and economic redemption we’re so clearly pining for.
Filed under: our traditions, politic, pop cultures, queer | Tagged: Americans, balls, barack obama, Democrats, gender bending, hillary clinton, leadership, misogyny, sexism, testicles, U.S. election | 4 Comments »
Juicy Planet got quite thirsty watching the May 1st march for undocumented immigrants rights in Downtown Chicago and so decided to drop by Wrigley Field for an ice cold overpriced Budweiser draft on the way home. It just so happened there was also an afternoon Cubs game underway versus the Milwaukee Brewers. Starting pitcher Carlos Zambrano wowed the drinky drink hooky-playing crowd with an unexpected home run. We stuck around long enough to have a hankering for an $8 kosher dog and the suspicion that the Cubs lead was about to be lost again by relief pitcher Kerry Wood. We high-tailed it back out to Clark and Addison just in time to see a police officer helping an older woman cross the street. Inside Wrigley we could hear the voices of 40 thousand fans cheering for a win, while at the same moment, 140 thousand supporters were cheering and marching for immigrant justice near Dearborn and Jackson.
Filed under: every day, our traditions, politic | Tagged: baseball, Carlos Zambrano, chicago cubs, cold beer, Democrats, election, immigrants rights, immigration, immigration reform, issue, Kerry Wood, kosher dog, milwaukee brewers, protests, wrigley field | Leave a comment »