According to Juicy Planet insiders, alleged pop star & willful womanizer, R. Kelly, was seen tucking a BLT sandwich with extra lettuce into the right side pocket of his suit jacket outside the Cook County Criminal Court in Chicago this past week. Kelly was standing between buildings on California Avenue trying to get some lunch privacy away from the throngs of media and various and asundry fans, former fans, former lovers, future litigants, plus a smattering of Cook County government workers who had no idea what the fuss was all about as they snuck cigarettes on another “coffee run”.
Clearly unnerved by low blood sugar, Kelly threw his pickle spear down in frustration, showing more emotion than he had at any time inside the courtroom, where jurors with more productive but not more interesting things to do had been asked to decide whether the naked man urinating on the under-aged girl in the video they had to watch over and over again was the same clothed man sitting at the table in front of them acting as if he had never before seen the man in the video and indeed, since Kelly is known to be severely allergic to mirrors, it is understandable that he would not be able to ever recognize himself. But that can’t explain the fact that whoever the man is, who looks just like Kelly does, is the kind of dumb guy who not only thinks it’s alright to abuse and scam people decades younger and much poorer than he is, but thinks it’s especially genius to tape himself doing illegal stuff. We sure hope they catch that guy.
Filed under: our traditions, pop cultures | Tagged: America, celebrity, chicago, Cook County, criminal court, guilty, jurors, justice, liars, misogyny, porn video, R Kelly, rich people doing bad things, sexism | Leave a comment »